time to break the silence

I’ve been real busy off late wrapping up the year and preparing for my yearly trip to Beijing, and I was planning a nice photo montage of TENG’s recent performances etc, which I will post very soon.

Yet these few days I noticed a spike in hits to this page, and I braced myself for some ‘blast from the recent past’ kind of thing- I’ve ignored it the past few times but after visiting the ex’s blog to see what the commotion is about, as well as reading all the ‘positive’ comments, I felt real compelled to just simply, break the silence. To tell the story from ‘the other side’.

Yup, it’s a little out of character for me, being naturally shy and all. I know, doesn’t look like it, but I’m really horribly shy when it comes to my personal life. But yet, it has come to a point where really, being a nice guy is really like being a scorpion- bearing all that within yourself and you end up stinging your ownself.

 All the comments I’ve received these few months since the break-up, some of your emails pouring out your stories- I’ve been blessed with the encouragement and love from strangers. And in return I feel I should speak up too for people who’ve been ‘left behind’.

It’s never easy the one being left behind. The one left to pick up the pieces.

I’m not afraid, ashamed or bitter to tell my side of the story because I feel I’ve really moved on from her, and I’ve really found peace somehow through this passage of time.

Many of you have asked, isn’t it horrible because she left with another girl? Honestly, that doesn’t bother me one bit.

All my best friends are of that orientation and they’re wonderful people who’ve seen me through thick and thin.

But I think what really kills one’s sense of hope and faith in relationships is when trust and deceit is the cause of the breakup.

It’s funny, how, she used to get all insecure about me cheating. I told her, I won’t paint myself out to be a saint- that I don’t get tempted, or have never been tempted throughout our relationship.

Yet, it was the fear of losing what we shared that kept me from ever straying.

I once innocently asked my late mom, ‘Dad “works” from 7am to past midnight. Don’t you ever wonder if he’s cheating?’

She simply replied ‘Like air in a balloon, the more you try to contain it by pressuring it into a small space, the more it feels like resisting and breaking out.’

I wasn’t convinced then and still suspected my dad might one day tell us that he actually has another family/ lover somewhere else.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

It’s coming close to 4 years since my mom passed away and my dad has never seen anyone else, or even come close to a hint of someone else possibly coming into his life. All this despite my brother and I saying we’re cool with it and all, we understand that he’ll need companionship etc.

He dutifully buys flowers to put at her niche in the church every week, and he even converted to Catholicism, got baptised and all because my mom was cremated as one.

If that’s not love and commitment I don’t know what it is.

Anyway to end this post off, I want to simply state that I really have moved on.

Being single is not a crime. It doesn’t mean you’re a freak.

Everyone deserves a shot at happiness, even if we don’t play the game the way everyone else does.